The truth of gender disappointment… for me

Gender disappointment is such a real thing. I know how bad that sounds but getting honest with myself about it was the only way I managed to work through it.  I have known the sex of both of my babies before they were born and when I was told in my second pregnancy that we were expecting a girl, the bursting wipe open smile I had felt when I was told my first was a boy was just not there.

I am someone that has always known I want to be a mother.  I have all my life had a clear as home video tape image in my mind of what my ‘grown up’ mum life would look like.  And that image always always was full of BOYS.  Crazy I know.  Completely bonkers. But having spent a lifetime with that image in my mind, the reality being different took some getting used to.

I worried that I would struggle to bond with this little girl that was growing in my belly.  That she would be born and I would feel the same way.

I needn’t have worried of course, because the moment she was born, gender was completely irrelevant…. She was my very own human.  And the same rush of ecstasy and love bound me to her instantaneously.

God knew what he was doing giving me a daughter, because in the time since she was born she has come to be my mirror; the catalyst for so much, needed self work. But that’s a post for another time….